Paycheck VS Passion

It’s six a.m. on a Saturday and I’m the only one awake, as usual. Except for my cats, of course. It’s them who wake me up this early because, technically, it’s two hours past their feeding time. Apparently they have schedules to keep, even on the weekend. Go figure.

My day-job continues to be a hellish landscape. Text messages while I’m at home allow no escape from it. The stress and pressure follow me wherever I go, even the frozen food section of the grocery store as I am too tired to prepare a fresh meal for my family.

My mind is so tired from the business of the last two weeks that words simply escape me. I am exhausted, more mentally than physically. I still have the urge to write, the craving to do so, but my mind simply isn’t cooperating.

It is preoccupied with the busy-ness of life. It won’t allow me to take flight into my imagination because one part of it knows that it’ll take me all weekend to get the laundry caught up. It wonders if I have enough scent-beads to make it through all those many loads.

While I yearn to jump back into the make-believe world of my novel, my brain is making a meal plan and grocery list instead of allowing me to see what my characters are going to do and say next.

I’ve stopped laughing out loud when my favorite character, Ella, pops off at the mouth with her usual silliness. Her frame of mind has morphed into my frame of mind, and she has become tired and boring.

That’s not good writing.

I have never seriously considered quitting my day-job. Until this week.

I am the primary bread-winner. My paycheck is a necessity for survival.

But what about my own survival? What do I do when that paycheck is squashing the very thing that makes me feel alive?!

Reading and writing are what fuel me, bringing out everything that is passionate within me. If I were ever stranded on an island, I’d need three things to survive: a good book, a pen, and paper.

Yeah, I would starve to death but I would die happy.

I have vacation scheduled next month, and I strategically planned it around it my family’s activities so that I could have a “stay-cation”. I plan to stay in my jammies, my big bootie at my desk, and write.

Blissfully uninterrupted, laser focused, completely responsibility-free.

I will block the numbers of my co-workers. They’re on their own.

I am steadfastly determined to finish my novel that week. I look forward to the rewrites, revisions, cuts, and all the hard work that will follow.

This is the difference between passion and paycheck. I welcome and embrace the work produced by my passion, while simply earning a paycheck is stripping me bare.

It’s two completely different types of survival.

I’m hoping, during that week of “stay-cation”, to determine a solid path that will allow me to survive with passion.

And, I hope that returning to work after a nine-day absence won’t make me lose my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Paycheck VS Passion

  1. I’m so glad you have a stay-cation scheduled and plan to get some creative immersion in there. It’s hard to carve out writing time when other responsibilities press, and if you are like me, you get that starved-soul feeling when you’re not writing regularly. Get yourself a daytimer and make writing appointments! Write them in ink and tack it on the fridge so the family knows when you are not to be disturbed. Start small, but honor this part of you – it’s important! Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. YEESS! I have that starving soul! Just this morning, I moved my writing nook downstairs, into what used to be a wood-working room. I’ve left explicit instructions that I am not to be disturbed while here unless someone is bleeding. Profusely. Missing socks and lack of underwear do not constitute an emergency.

      Thank you for the advice! Their game schedules are already on the fridge; it’s funny that I never considered putting one up just for me…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We have to carve out some sacred time. It’s important and it matters. Take your vocation seriously and the rest of the household will come to respect your time. I’m so wishing you success with this. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you decided to quit your job. It may seem hard right now, but you took your daddy’s advice and you’ll be happy you did. It’s been fun catching up on all the posts I’ve missed. Have a good weekend! 🙂

    Like

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