I know, I know. Another blog about getting rid of nasty negativity. But maybe, just maybe, this one will resonate with something you recognize within yourself.
This is my story.
I spent almost 20 years being a prop in someone else’s drama, someone else’s big production. Sure, I had my place on the stage, standing quiet and pretty with a smile. But I was only a trinket, a bauble to be displayed and moved around by the major players. In the beginning, I was fine with having a supporting role; I considered it my job, my place in that particular storyline. And, for years, I fulfilled that role dutifully.
Then I began to realize that the cast of characters were growing; the star of the show had decided he needed a chorus-line to inject a little excitement into his plot. His character grew angry and unpredictable. I tried to ignore all of this, tried to remain quiet and pretty in my corner of the stage. But this new plot grew louder, and bolder, and began to demand more time on center-stage.
Now, I have tried to introduce my story with a bit of tongue-in-cheek. I am unable to continue in that vein because this is when my eyes were opened.
I had been silent for so long; I had stood by like a statue while all of this played out right in front of me, happened to me. My self-worth was non-existent, not to mention my self-esteem. I had accomplished nothing of my own merit, and I was too blind to see that it had been set up that way deliberately. I felt invisible, unheard, unwanted. I had been dying a slow death for years, and didn’t even know it.
When I crashed, I crashed hard. And, I wallowed in it for a few more years after that. When I would speak of change, I was reminded that I had been given a beautiful home, a beautiful life, things that other people would love to have. I was expected to be thankful for what I had been “given”, and forget about what had been taken from me. I was told that I needed clinical help, that it was all in my head, and that I was the one with the problem.
My soul was empty, my spirit had been crushed. The core of “myself” was disappearing, the gifts that I had been blessed with were no longer bursting to get out. I had no idea who I was, and I just knew that I, the “me” inside, would shrivel and die if I stayed.
So, I walked away. With nothing. For me, it was about self-preservation. People told me to fight for what I had “earned” after all of those years, but I simply wanted out. I didn’t want anything from him; I only wanted to remove my shattered self from that place. All of these years later, I am still told by some that it was a crazy thing to do.
I will never forget the day I signed a lease for a small townhouse. My load was immediately lighter; I could actually see a future for myself. FOR ME. I had hope again, I had dreams again, I had goals again.
Sure, my life changed drastically. Things were not as easy as they once were, and I had struggles. Plus, my entire circle of friends were gone; they belonged to that “other” life, and wanted no part of the life I was living.
But, see, that’s just it. I WAS LIVING.
I had found strength, clarity, and peace in the one place I had not searched: myself.
You see, we cannot control those around us, but we can control how they make us feel. I am writing this to let you know that you are a light, a beacon, and you deserve to shine. Brightly.
Change is hard, and often painful. Admitting that you need help and asking for it is brutal.
But it is so worth it, my friend.
Become the star in your own production, and give your co-stars the top-billing they deserve. Surround yourself with people who will coach you, not over-shadow you. And be a coach to others; that’s where the real action is, anyway. Dress your stage with beautiful scenery, and your story will never be boring. Keep your plot simple, and you’ll never be disappointed.
LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE! You know you want to….