I so wish I could be more of a free-spirit. But, I am a list-maker instead. I thrive on routine, structure, and the known.
So, when something sneaks into my schedule that wasn’t “planned”, I feel….something. Not panic, not anger. Bothered, maybe? Inconvenienced, perhaps? Irritated….most definitely.
And the really weird thing is, I’m only like this in my personal life. I have curve-balls thrown at me all day at work, and I don’t break a sweat as I deal with them. It’s part of my job, and I take it in stride. I do what needs to be done and move on.
Why is that? Why is my coping mechanism so much stronger there?
I think it’s because my personal life is just that: personal. Apparently, when my to-do’s are “interrupted” at home, I take it personally. I get frustrated because I know that I’m not going to be able to complete a task when I had planned to.
Even if that task is sitting on my butt, reading a book.
I hate feeling that way because it sounds so rigid, even to me.
Maybe I feel irritated because my 50 hours at work are spent putting out fires, constantly re-prioritizing tasks based on who I want to piss off the least. Home is supposed to be my haven; it’s my space.
I am blessed with a family, so it is their space, too. I love order; they thrive on chaos. I am an organizer; they are….not (lol).
But, I love them with all of my heart; I wish I could be more like them. I am envious of the carefree way they float through a day.
And, I am deeply grateful that they are not like me.
I feel better now after getting this off my chest. I am soon leaving from A, skipping B (and possibly C) to arrive at D.